If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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