I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize