I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
