Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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