just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
