You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
