fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
