Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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