I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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