that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
