dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
