The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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