i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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