Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
