It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize