i think i have herpe
just one?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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