so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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