Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
