remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
