So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
