Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
