Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
