On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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