just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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