We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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