Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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