Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
