my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
