Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
