Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize