I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
