I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
