Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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