Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
