Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
