Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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