In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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