sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
