It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
