Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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