we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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