If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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