worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
