those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
