so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
