It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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