She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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