I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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