My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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