Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
