I want to have your abortion
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
