I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
