Dual....:-)
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
