I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
