I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
