I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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