After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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