i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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