I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
