Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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