When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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