I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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