Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
