So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
