She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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