words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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