Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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