how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
