quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize