dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
