I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
