I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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