I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
