Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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