her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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