I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
