hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
