The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Randomize
