I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
