Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize