Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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