i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
