I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
