you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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