He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
