Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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