He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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