you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This baby is an asshole
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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