I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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