Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
