I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
