God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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