the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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