saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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