I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
