If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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