Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can't turn off my feet"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
