oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
