so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
