we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
