Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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