Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
