I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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