I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
