Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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