I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
True college students do jello shots in the library
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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