I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
