So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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