so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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