garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
