I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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