I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
