I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
