How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
