To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
