My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
