I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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