just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize